so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize