yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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