ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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