You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
