david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
