I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
