The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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