; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
