i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I could fuck to npr.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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