I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
