Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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