Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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