just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
