Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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