the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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