apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
