FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
