she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
