i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
