ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
