i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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