you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
