Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
