I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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