How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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