You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize