I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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