I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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