Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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