Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
