I seem to have left my pride at pride
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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