are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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