she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
