My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
