Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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