i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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