its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
