Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
