In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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