Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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