How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
