just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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