but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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