then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
