I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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