I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
