Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
