That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize