apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
