Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I could fuck to npr.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
