oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My bed smells like the plague
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