he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
