Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
