walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
