chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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