well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
