You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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