By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
