He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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