Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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