My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize