Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My vagina just clenched in fear
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
