no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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