i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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