I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
