We won't sleep together?
I puked a lego.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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