kristin has been a bad kristin
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
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