I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
