The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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