Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
