Cold hands, warm shart.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
