its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
