In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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