By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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