you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
