Can i not drive my cunt home
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
