What a fucking waste of an outfit
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
