I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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