I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
