Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
