...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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