found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
