It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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