I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
