Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
