after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
