he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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