he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He did a backflip because drugs
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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