I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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