just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
