So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
