Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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