So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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