News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
