The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
