I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
