You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
