summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
