A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
