My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm bleeding and have questions
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
