sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize