oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
