can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize