Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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