I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
