So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
