Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
