Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
