How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
