Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize