Already got asked if we're dating
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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