He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
