Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i think i just lost a toe
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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