I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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